tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27506715274978310352024-03-13T23:53:27.698-07:00WTF PsychologyAnonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07572319185515757607noreply@blogger.comBlogger9125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2750671527497831035.post-2403260445187421002015-01-04T11:00:00.000-08:002015-01-04T11:00:08.355-08:00How to make Mindful New Year’s Resolutions worth keeping<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-GB">It’s that time of year.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>People are making and breaking New Year’s
resolutions in equal abundance.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So many
more new year’s resolutions fail than succeed.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Why is this so?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Should we just
ditch these resolutions altogether or is there a way to change our attitude
towards them?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> I'm</span> offering a free workshop <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Mindful New
Year’s Resolutions worth keeping </i>this Thursday 8<sup>th</sup> 6-7:30pm at
the Psychological Society of Ireland Headquarters, 2<sup>nd</sup> floor
Grantham House, Grantham Street, Dublin 2.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Pre-booking is essential by e-mailing info@actnowireland.com or calling
01-4433307 and limited to the first 60 registrants.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You can also find ACT Now Ireland on Facebook
or on their website www.actnowireland.com<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span lang="EN-GB">Tips
for how to make New Year’s Resolutions worth keeping<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpFirst" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span lang="EN-GB" style="mso-bidi-font-family: Cambria; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family: Cambria; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">1.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span lang="EN-GB">Connect to why you want to make this resolution.</span></b><span lang="EN-GB"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If it’s just because you
think you “should”, “have to”, or “must”- this is rarely enough.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In fact, let’s put this to the test- imagine
yourself doing something that you naturally enjoy doing and now imagine that
you have to do that exact same thing.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Notice what happens in your body and if you feel more or less inclined
to do this exact same thing- something you previously enjoyed. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In my experience, about 90% of people have an
adverse bodily reaction and feel far less inclined to do the thing they now
feel is compulsory to do.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If you notice
yourself saying “should” and “have to”- see if you can connect to the reason to
do this beneath the “should” and “have to”.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>For example with a fitness goal- connecting to the underlying benefits
you would like to enjoy- more energy, increased life expectancy, better overall
physical and mental health.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Write down
these bigger reasons and review them often.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>If you cannot connect to a bigger reason that feels vital to you- I
would suggest letting go of this resolution now.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span lang="EN-GB" style="mso-bidi-font-family: Cambria; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family: Cambria; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">2.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span lang="EN-GB">Acknowledge that it's human to make mistakes.</span></b><span lang="EN-GB"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The only thing I can
guarantee with absolute certainty to every single person who makes a new year’s
resolution is that we will all go off course.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>That is part of our human nature.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>The key thing here is how we relate to ourselves after we make these
mistakes.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Do we continue to berate
ourselves?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Do we use this lapse as a
means of falling off the wagon completely?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Or do we acknowledge that this happens everyone, learn from our lapse,
and get back on track.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span lang="EN-GB" style="mso-bidi-font-family: Cambria; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family: Cambria; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">3.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span lang="EN-GB">Hold yourself accountable.</span></b><span lang="EN-GB"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If this really matters to you, tell someone
you know and trust who will keep your best interests at heart.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Of course, you don’t go telling the person
who gives everyone a hard time when they are trying to make a change in their
life.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Here’s the thing- be very clear to
the person in terms of what you want from them in terms of support.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We all need different levels of support- some
people like an occasional text message, some would appreciate a quick call more
often.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Be very clear about what it is
that you want from your ally and what you would like them to do if, and when,
you go off track.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span lang="EN-GB" style="mso-bidi-font-family: Cambria; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family: Cambria; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">4.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span lang="EN-GB">Make a recording of why this is important to you.</span></b><span lang="EN-GB"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>At this point it is
abundantly clear that you will go off track.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>We all will.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If this is something
that is truly important to you, make a voice recording no more than 3-5 minutes
long explaining why this resolution is important to you.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The more you can connect to this at a
feelings level- the more likely you are to come back on track.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It is even better if you can foresee the
obstacles that might get in your way and coach yourself through these.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It can be good to share this recording with
your ally.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span lang="EN-GB" style="mso-bidi-font-family: Cambria; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family: Cambria; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">5.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span lang="EN-GB">Take one to three minutes daily to reconnect to why this matters.</span></b><span lang="EN-GB"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Unfortunately, it is not
enough to connect to why it’s important to make this change once.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You need to reconnect to why it’s important
often.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It is better to spend 1-3 minutes
daily connecting to why this is important than to spend a day once a
month.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Some people connect to why this
resolution is important through a mindful meditation, others journal while
others express themselves creatively.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>How is not as important as taking the time to make this a priority in
your life.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span lang="EN-GB" style="mso-bidi-font-family: Cambria; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family: Cambria; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">6.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span lang="EN-GB">Acknowledge that unwanted emotions will arise.</span></b><span lang="EN-GB"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If it was a piece of cake to
make this change, chances are you would have made the change already.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The reality is that it is tough to make
changes.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Especially to well-established
routines.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You will have all kinds of
unwanted emotions and feelings arise.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>It’s important to remember that this is par for the course for
everyone.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You don’t need to like, love
or want how you’re feeling.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You simply
require a willingness to have these feelings if they are bringing you closer
towards your resolution.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span lang="EN-GB" style="mso-bidi-font-family: Cambria; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family: Cambria; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">7.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span lang="EN-GB">Acknowledge toward and away moves, rather than right/good and
wrong/bad.</span></b><span lang="EN-GB"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>It is all too common to label ourselves as good/doing it right when we
are acting in ways that represent how we went to be in the world.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And conversely we label ourselves as
bad/doing it wrong when we are in acting in ways that we are not proud of.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Instead, see if you can identify what it is
that you want to move toward, for example a healthier lifestyle, and then
whenever you engage in any action, no matter how small, toward that, you can
acknowledge that as a toward move.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And
whenever you engage in any action that brings you further away from your goal,
you can acknowledge this as an away move rather that a bad move, or labelling
yourself as doing it wrong.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This is a
much healthier way of looking at things and can get you back on trap much
quicker.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span lang="EN-GB">Check in with your older, wiser, more compassionate self.</span></b><span lang="EN-GB"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Before embarking in any
meaningful change, it is useful to connect in with your older wiser self.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Have you ever had the experience of looking
back at your life 5/10 years ago and very clearly seeing what it is that you
could have done differently.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Retrospective thinking really is 20:20 vision.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You can imagine connecting to your older,
wiser, more compassionate self for some guidance- from their experienced
perspective- what might they recommend that you do differently?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They are not there to judge or ridicule but rather
to help you move toward where it is that you want to go.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07572319185515757607noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2750671527497831035.post-49882288429726687502014-05-30T06:43:00.000-07:002014-05-30T06:45:51.600-07:00Mindful Tips for Leaving Cert Success<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">He who has a why… can bear almost any how.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></i>~ Fredrick Nietzsche<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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Exams are such a stressful time for so many people.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Here are some tips that can be applied to any
exam, and are particularly relevant to those preparing to sit the Leaving Cert.
<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpFirst" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Cambria; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family: Cambria; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">1.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Be
mindful of task/exam when anxiety arises.</b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Remember that the vast majority of people feel anxious going into an
exam.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Research by Rich and Woolever
found most students have similar levels of anxiety.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Those who focused on their self-doubts and
other factors that were not relevant to the current exam did worse than those
who could acknowledge their anxiety and refocus on the exam at hand.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Cambria; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family: Cambria; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">2.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Be
mindful of your breath as an anchor.</b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>While waiting to turn over your exam paper, this is an ideal opportunity
to anchor yourself in your breath and your breathing.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>From a mindfulness perspective as long as we
are breathing there is more right with us than wrong with us regardless of
whatever your mind might be telling you to the contrary.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In times of high anxiety, mindfulness expert
Thich Nhat Hanh suggests it can be particularly useful to say the phrases
“breathing in, I am aware that I am breathing in” as you breath in and
“breathing out, I am aware that I am breathing out” as you breath out to help
maintain your focus on your breathing.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Cambria; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family: Cambria; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">3.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Be
mindful of time.</b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Time management can
be an issue for many students.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Being
mindful of time throughout your exam can greatly improve your chances of answering
all questions and giving you the best chance of getting the best grade for
you.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Psychologically many of us need
contextual cues, or reminders, to help us to remember to be mindful of time.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>One way to do this is to put a little “T” in
a circle, or a figure of a clock in the margins of your answer booklet in light
pencil.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This will serve as a prompt to
be mindful of your time.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Cambria; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family: Cambria; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">4.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Be
mindful of “towards” and “away” moves.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></b>It
can be very easy to get caught up in judgments such as “right” or “wrong” and
“good” or “bad” both during and/or after exams.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>In the recent book <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">The ACT Matrix</i>,
I shared that when we get caught up in these judgments we often find it more
difficult to get back to the moment, and what matters.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It can be more helpful to acknowledge when we
have moved “away” from what is helpful and important to the exam at hand and
then channel our time and attention to moving back “towards” where we want to
be.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This can really minimise the time we
spend beating ourselves up and maximise the time we spend focusing on the exams
that are important to us.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
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</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Be
mindful of your thoughts.</b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Many of us
get hooked by unhelpful thoughts at exam time.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>It can be useful to identify the prominent themes that arise for you in
an exam, for example “exam failure”, “not enough” or “need to repeat”.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Then when these themes arise in the exam you
can simply note “oh, there’s the exam failure/not enough story again” and
refocus on your exam or study for your next exam.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Research has shown that this is more helpful
than ignoring or getting caught up in the thoughts.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Cambria; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family: Cambria; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">6.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Be mindful of compassion.</b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Often we are our own worst critics.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In times of high stress we can find it
difficult to see the bigger picture.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It
can be useful to connect to what your older, wiser, kinder 21 year old self
would say to you to help you during your leaving cert.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpLast" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
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</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Be mindful
of what matters.</b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It is very tempting
to get completely hooked in the points system and what you “have to do”.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Meanwhile you can lose sight of why you are
doing the leaving cert in the first place.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Many psychologists, such as Dr. Steve Hayes creator of Acceptance and
Commitment Therapy (ACT), have found that if we focus on the reason behind why
we are doing what we are doing that greatly helps us to make more moves towards
what is important and to get more enjoyment as we do this.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
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Aisling Curtin is a Counselling Psychologist with the
Psychological Society of Ireland (PSI), founder of ACT Now Ireland and WTF
Psychology Blogger.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You can find out
more about her and the workshops she regularly gives in Ireland and
internationally at www.actnowireland.com, www.wtfpsych.blogspot.ie, find ACT
Now Ireland on Facebook or call ACT Now Ireland at 01-4433307.<o:p></o:p></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07572319185515757607noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2750671527497831035.post-39251063120168853192014-04-13T17:02:00.001-07:002014-04-13T17:02:35.255-07:00Ways to Practice Self-Compassion<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<i>Most of the shadows in this life are caused by standing in one’s own sunshine.</i> ~Ralph Waldo Emerson<o:p></o:p></div>
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<span style="font-family: Wingdings;">v<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 7pt;"> </span></span>Acknowledge common humanity- we all screw up. We all make mistakes. We all let people that we know and love down. We do it on many occasions. And so does everyone else. It can be useful to remind yourself “everyone messes up, I am not on my own” and see if you can connect with a moment where a loved one messed up and treat yourself the same way that you treated them.<o:p></o:p><br />
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<span style="font-family: Wingdings;">v<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 7pt;"> </span></span>Allowing your heart, values and integrity to be your guide rather than a desire to please or placate others. When you make choices- check in to see are these choices going to bring you closer towards who and where you want to be? Or will these choices in fact bring you further away from who and where you want to be?<o:p></o:p><br />
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<span style="font-family: Wingdings;">v<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 7pt;"> </span></span>“Choose discomfort over resentment”. I loved this saying when I first heard Dr. Bren<span style="color: #1a1a1a;">é</span> Brown make reference to it. Often we say yes when we really want to say no out of a sense of obligation, or no when we really want to say yes as we are hooked on some reason why we can’t do it. These choices often give us some relief. Yet this relief is often short-lived, quickly replaced by resentment, which unfortunately can hang around like a bad smell.<o:p></o:p><br />
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<span style="font-family: Wingdings;">v<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 7pt;"> </span></span>Importance of seeing and listening deeply. Zen Master Thich Nhat Hahn speaks of the importance of looking and listening deeply. See if you can go below the surface of the situation/yourself and delve into the heart of what’s going on in situations/yourself. He proposes that when we look at ourselves, and others, at a shallow level- we see only faults. Yet, when we look more deeply- we are more likely to witness common humanity and the many strengths we have. <o:p></o:p><br />
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<span style="font-family: Wingdings;">v<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 7pt;"> </span></span>Allowing ourselves to be seen and heard deeply by others and ourselves. It follows that it is not enough to see and hear deeply. We also must be willing to allow ourselves to be seen and heard deeply. Many of us, myself included, can hide behind masks. We can find a false sense of security in only showing certain parts of ourselves for fear of rejection. Yet, often the parts we expose are of the more shallow level, which is often judged by ourselves, and others, harshly. And we protect and therefore hide the hidden gems within.<o:p></o:p><br />
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<span style="font-family: Wingdings;">v<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 7pt;"> </span></span>Recognize that our emotions and bodily sensations often hold important messages for us. It can be useful to slow down and connect beneath the surface level of these feelings to what helpful messages they might be trying to tell us. For example, this past week I noticed the emotion of overwhelm that was about to tip into resentment and bodily sensations in the forms of sore throat and general lethargy. When I tuned in I could see clearly that I had overcommitted and spread myself too thin. I could also see that I wasn’t getting a sense of freedom and joy any more from these activities as I was doing things out of a sense of obligation completely disconnected from the values underlying my actions. So I needed to make some uncomfortable moves for me, which was lightening my load by pulling back from some things. Risking the potential to disappoint others in order to be true to my inner core values.<br />
<o:p></o:p></div>
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<span style="font-family: Wingdings;">v<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 7pt;"> </span></span>Acknowledge that on the journey to loving ourselves more, when engaged in fully, we may often love ourselves less temporarily. Personally when I fully showed up to who I was- warts and all- I found this difficult. I often found more reasons to reject myself that to accept myself. To be willing to recognize and acknowledge this- being accepting of my non-acceptance of myself was the first important step. Wherever you are currently is the perfect place to start putting loving fluid into your tank so you can go that extra mile, or maybe even before you can take that first step in that direction. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<i>We are each gifted in a unique and important way. It is our privilege and our adventure to discover our own light.</i> ~Mary Dunbar</div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07572319185515757607noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2750671527497831035.post-40068211965032941022014-04-01T14:14:00.000-07:002014-04-13T15:09:41.232-07:00How do I know when I'm Mindfully Overcoming Thinking Traps?<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="color: #131313; mso-bidi-font-family: Georgia;">“No one ever
tells us to stop running away from fear...the advice we usually get is to
sweeten it up, smooth it over, take a pill, or distract ourselves, but by all
means make it go away.”</span></i><span style="color: #131313; mso-bidi-font-family: Georgia;"> <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span><span style="color: #131313; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">~ </span><span style="color: #131313; mso-bidi-font-family: Georgia; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">Pema
Chödrön<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #131313; mso-bidi-font-family: Georgia;">Thought
defusion isn’t working for me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’m not
feeling better.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This is a common barrier
that arises when people start to practice and apply thought defusion on a
regular basis.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>At first, people are
simply curious to see what will happen.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They
have no expectations.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Overtime though if
we become used to having a particular distancing and calming effect of
defusion- we can start to expect this.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>And we’re none too happy when this doesn’t happen.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #131313; mso-bidi-font-family: Georgia;">I
would be lying to you if I said that I didn’t enjoy when I feel some sense of
relief when I apply defusion after a period of being extremely hooked by some
unhelpful thoughts.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I often have to
remind myself, and others, that Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) is all
about living better rather than feeling better.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>This can be such a difficult concept for us to get our heads
around.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We are in a “feel good” society
as the opening quote by Pema <span style="mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">Chödrön
illustrates so beautifully.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #131313; mso-bidi-font-family: Georgia; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">We have years and years of conditioning that tells
us that fear, anxiety, sadness, frustration, guilt and anger are “bad”.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Conversely happiness, surprise and excitement
are “good”.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If we look at the nine basic
emotions, as Dr. Russ Harris does in his best-selling book The Happiness Trap,
we will soon realize that we are hoping to feel one third of our emotions 100%
of the time.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>A very clear recipe for
disaster.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #131313; mso-bidi-font-family: Georgia; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">I would like to share a very common barrier that
arises for my clients, group and workshop attendees.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And the best way to overcome this barrier is
for me to ask you a question.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If you
would like the more entertaining version, which involves me singing unhelpful
thoughts to the tune of Happy Birthday, then you can click here.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #131313; mso-bidi-font-family: Georgia; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;"><o:p> <a href="https://archive.org/details/WhenDoesDefusionWork">When does Defusion work?</a></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #131313; mso-bidi-font-family: Georgia; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">Here’s the scenario.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #131313; mso-bidi-font-family: Georgia; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">Both Ann and Mary have social anxiety.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They both get hooked by the thought “I might
have a panic attack” before they go to any event.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They are both learning to do thought defusion
as a way of overcoming their common thinking traps.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They both value relationships and would
really like to reconnect with old friends who they have lost contact with as
they have been buying into their anxious thoughts and moving further and
further away from who and where they want to be.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #131313; mso-bidi-font-family: Georgia; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">Ann decides to do defusion by saying the thought
“I’ll have a panic attack” into the Talking Tom App and finds it really funny
hearing it back.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She starts laughing and
immediately feels better.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She decides to
stay in and enjoy the feeling of not being anxious.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #131313; mso-bidi-font-family: Georgia; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">Mary decides to do defusion by singing her thought
“I’ll have a panic attack” along to the tune of Happy Birthday.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Afterwards, she feels really bad.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If anything, she feels worse than she did
before she did the defusion.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>However,
taking the time to do the exercise gave her a chance to reconnect to her values
of relationships and connection so she decides to go out to meet her friend
even though she still has the thought and continues to feel anxious.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #131313; mso-bidi-font-family: Georgia; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">Which person do you think did thought defusion from
an ACT perspective?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Which one moved
closer towards her values?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This is often
easier to see for others than it is for us to see for ourselves.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span><span style="color: #131313; mso-bidi-font-family: Georgia;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07572319185515757607noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2750671527497831035.post-15194578195801871232014-03-22T22:22:00.000-07:002014-04-13T17:06:32.827-07:00Mindfully Overcoming Thinking Traps<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-align: center; text-autospace: none;">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">“We can spend
our whole lives escaping from the monsters of our minds.”<o:p></o:p></i></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
~ Pema
Chödrön<o:p></o:p></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I recognize that I am wasting my time fighting a
battle that I can’t win but how do I stop?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>This is a very common question I am asked in my role as Counseling
Psychologist.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And a question that I have
certainly asked myself, more than once.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In
my
last post <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Two Common Thinking Traps</i>,
I looked at two common traps that the vast majority of us get caught up
in.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Thought fusion is when we get
completely hooked by the monsters in our mind.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>And that is all that we can see- monsters, only monsters.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Thought suppression is akin to the “yellow
jeep” effect- we are trying so hard to not think about something that this
becomes the primary focus of our attention.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>For a more in depth description of these common traps, please take a
look at my previous post <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Two Common
Thinking Traps</i>.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
In this post, we will be looking at ways that you can start
to unhook yourself from this never-ending battle with the monsters of your
mind.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This isn't about getting rid of
your monsters, nor is it about feeling better.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>If either of these two strategies worked I’m guessing you wouldn’t be
sitting reading this now.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This approach
is more around how can you learn to cultivate the skills of mindfulness and
compassion towards yourself and your monsters while also being willing to do
what it takes to create and live the life you want to live.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The strategies I share here come from an evidence-based therapeutic
approach called Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, or Training, (ACT).<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I will share three classic defusion
strategies that you can try and I have accompanying MP3 audio files to make it
easier for you to practice this key skill at home.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Words of Warning- please be aware of the “deep end effect”
where people choose something too evocative to start off learning a skill and
inadvertently shoot themselves in the foot.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>And please also be aware of the “yellow jeep effect”, which happens when
you do these exercises in an attempt to make the thought go away.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This usually results in you thinking the
though even more than you did before.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If
you notice you get caught in either of these traps, first give yourself credit
for spotting these common traps we all fall into and then come back to the
exercise with an air of childlike curiosity.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Here is a link to the two audio files if you would prefer to be guided through audio.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: black;"><a href="https://archive.org/details/DefusionExercises">Mindfully Overcoming Thinking Traps</a></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Ways to Overcome Thinking Traps<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
</div>
<ol>
<li>Put the phrase “I'm having the thought that” before the
thought you’re struggling with. For
example, if you’re struggling with the thought “I’m not good enough”, then
saying “I’m having the thought that I’m not good enough” either out loud or in
your minds eye.</li>
<li>You can expand on this by then putting the phrase “I notice
I’m having the thought that” before your thought e.g. “I notice I’m having the
thought that I’m not good enough”.</li>
<li>And if you really want to go another layer again, thirdly
putting the phrase “I’m aware that I’m noticing I’m having the thought that” before
your thought e.g. “I’m aware that I’m noticing I’m having the thought that I’m
not good enough”.</li>
</ol>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Simply notice if you’re any more or less hooked in the
struggle against your monsters now after doing this exercise.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
There are some ACT classic exercises that sound a little
wacky or zany when you hear them for the first time.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They are grounded in scientific research
though and the purpose isn’t to ridicule or demean your thoughts in any
way.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Rather the aim is to look at your
thoughts from a different perspective.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>If you’d like to try this out, here are some strategies you can try.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I would suggest doing these strategies with
thoughts that are not overly evocative for you.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
</div>
<ol>
<li>Close over your eyes or fix your gaze at the floor. Bring your favorite cartoon character to
mind. Now imagine the cartoon character
saying your thought out loud with all of their usual mannerisms. Simply notice what that’s like for you.</li>
<li>Use the Talking Tom Smart Phone App and say your thought
into the phone and then mindfully listen to Talking Tom repeating your thought
back to you in his voice. Simply become aware
of what this feels like for you. </li>
<li>The last strategy I’ll share with you today is the Happy
Birthday strategy. Take three mindful
connected breaths. Now imagine singing
your thought along to the tune of Happy Birthday in your minds eye. Gently notice what this feels like. </li>
</ol>
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<div class="MsoNormal">
There are many thought defusion strategies.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>There isn’t one particular strategy that
works for everyone.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Although, most
people will find one that works for them.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I will share more defusion strategies in the future.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Hope you found some of this useful.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In my next post, I will share how you know
when defusion works or doesn’t work from an ACT perspective.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>There will be an audio in my next post that
requires me to sound a little silly.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Just wanted to give you the heads up.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span><o:p></o:p></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07572319185515757607noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2750671527497831035.post-47677606880484852612014-03-14T14:33:00.000-07:002014-04-13T17:05:25.382-07:00Two Common Thinking Traps<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="color: #10121b; mso-bidi-font-family: Helvetica;">“Try to pose
for yourself this task: not to think of a polar bear, and you will see that the
cursed thing will come to mind every minute.”</span></i><span style="color: #10121b; mso-bidi-font-family: Helvetica;"> ~ </span><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;">Fyodor
Dostoevsky</span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I, for one, can get really trapped with my mind, by my mind,
and in my mind sometimes. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Even that
sentence alone puts my head into a bit of a spin.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>When I first came across Acceptance and
Commitment Therapy (ACT) over a decade ago I was somewhat shocked to discover
that I seemed to spend the majority of my time in one of these two common
thinking traps.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’d like to share these
two common traps with you now.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
One of the things we know from psychological research is
that we remember relatively little of what we hear and see.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>However, we remember consistently more of
what we do.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So if this is something
you’re truly interested in and you would like to remember so you can apply this
in your life- I’d like to invite you to do something to illustrate what I’m
talking about.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Put your hands in front
of you and imagine that these hands represent a thought that you get hooked
by.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Most of us have some version of the
“I’m not good enough” thought.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I know
that I, personally, have many versions of this thought at various times.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’m not smart/attractive/slim/reliable/accomplished
enough.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
So imagine that your hands represent whatever thought you’d
like to work with and gradually start bringing your hands closer and closer to
your eyes.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Until your hands,
representing this thought, are completely covering your eyes.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Simply notice what this feels like.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Try to look around the room.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Notice what you can and can’t see.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Check in to see if this in any way resembles
physically what it feels like for you psychologically when you get completely
hooked by your thoughts?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This is the
first thinking trap, which is known as “thought fusion”- essentially I look at
the world through the lens of this thought.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
What kinds of things are you more or less likely to do when
you relate to your thoughts in this way?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Do you move closer towards or further away from who and where you want
to be?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The vast majority of us, myself
included, end up moving further away from who and where we want to be when we
get completely hooked by unhelpful thoughts.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>It’s useful to recognize that this is part of being human.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Absolutely every single one of us makes mistakes.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And as Brene Brown would put it- we are all
still worthy of connection. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Now let’s take a look at the second thinking trap, which the
quote that opens this post alludes to.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Try not to think about a yellow jeep.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Try not to think of you having a yellow jeep.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Try not to think of me having a yellow
jeep.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Try not to think of a yellow jeep
being the next mode of transport you see.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>And just become aware that even if you’re having the thought “I’m doing
well, I’m not thinking about the yellow jeep.” How did you know that?<br />
<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Okay, so it’s probably not going to have any major impact on
our lives whether we think about a yellow jeep.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>However, what if the thought was “don’t think you’re depressed/anxious” or
“don’t think about your deceased loved one/ex-partner”.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Can you see the potential pitfalls?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We end up getting more and more entrenched in
a cycle that we were essentially trying to avoid in the first place.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Here is a link to an audio file where I summarize the main
two thinking traps that we can fall into.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><a href="https://archive.org/details/WhatDefusionIs_201404">Two Common Thinking Traps</a></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
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<div class="MsoNormal">
In my next blog post, <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Overcoming
Thinking Traps</i>, I will give you strategies that have been supported by
psychological research to help you to unhook from unhelpful thoughts.<o:p></o:p></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07572319185515757607noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2750671527497831035.post-6919718841709274742014-03-04T03:33:00.000-08:002014-04-13T14:52:46.972-07:00Three-Minute Breathing Space<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="color: #131313; mso-bidi-font-family: Georgia;">“The most
fundamental aggression to ourselves, the most fundamental harm we can do to
ourselves, is to remain ignorant by not having the courage and the respect to
look at ourselves honestly and gently.”</span></i><span style="color: #131313; mso-bidi-font-family: Georgia;"> ~ </span><span style="color: #1a1a1a; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;">Pema Chödrön<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;">Many
of us pass through the hours, days, weeks, and sometimes even months, years and
decades without stopping to drop anchor.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>We keep going, almost as if we are afraid to stop and look within.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We are so busy, moving towards where we are
going or living in the past, that we miss out on so many amazing opportunities
to just be who, and where, we are.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;">We
also have a really good knack of brushing things under the carpet.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>A loved one lets me down.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I let one of my nearest and dearest
down.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I lose a loved one.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I act in a way that inspires guilt and
sometimes even shame.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>At each of these
points, there is a choice.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I can look in
this moment at what’s going on for me internally, drop anchor to my breath and
what matters, and bring an expanded level of awareness to my body and those
around me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Or I can simply suppress,
repress, and pretend that life, and the unexpected events that come with it, don’t
bother me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Of course, the latter for
most of us is just so tempting.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And yet,
if we choose this option repeatedly across a large span of time and situations,
we now know that we are increasing our chances of developing depression,
clinical levels of anxiety and so many other things that we were trying so
desperately to avoid in the first place.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;">There
is a tool that I have found incredibly useful to aid dropping into the present
moment more frequently so that we can deal with issues as they arise rather
than letting them build up to an overwhelming level.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The three-minute breathing space, originally
developed by Zindel Segal, Mark Williams and John Teasdale for use in
Mindfulness-based Cognitive Therapy (MBCT), is now widely used in
Mindfulness-based Stress Reduction (MBSR), Acceptance and Commitment Therapy
(ACT) and many other mindfulness-based approaches.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;">There
are three main stages of the three-minute breathing space, which can be easily
remembered as AGE (Awareness, Gathering and Expanding).<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
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<!--EndFragment--><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;">Here
is a link to my version of the three-minute breathing space, which also
connects to values- that which matters most to us.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Hope you find this beneficial in dropping
anchor more regularly in your daily life.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>It is recommended to practice the three-minute breathing space three
times per day. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<a href="https://archive.org/details/3MinBreatingSpace">WTF Psychology Three-minute Breathing Space</a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;"><br /></span></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07572319185515757607noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2750671527497831035.post-75573571284576910302014-02-22T22:22:00.000-08:002014-04-13T14:52:34.245-07:00ACTing Mindfully in Daily Life<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">“</i><i><span style="color: #1a1a1a; font-size: 13.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Verdana;">The secret to achieving inner peace lies in understanding our
inner core values- those things in our lives that are most important to us- and
then seeing that they are reflected in the daily events of our lives.</span></i><span style="color: #1a1a1a; font-size: 13.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Verdana;"> <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; font-size: 13.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Verdana;">~ Hyrum W.
Smith<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
What is the function of this <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Mindfulness</i> lark that so many people are harping on about?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The whole idea behind Mindfulness is that we
consciously work on bringing more of our time and attention to the present
moment- the here and now.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
How is ACTing Mindfully different to Mindfulness?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Acceptance and Commitment Training (ACT) is a
mindfulness-based approach that places a particular emphasis on connecting with
our values- those things that matter most to us.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In a nutshell, ACTing mindfully is around
three things.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="text-indent: -18pt;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="text-indent: -18pt;">Learning to cultivate acceptance and compassion towards the
things that are outside of our control and a willingness to do things that feel
uncomfortable in they are in the service of something that matters to us.</span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpFirst" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<br />
<span style="text-indent: -18pt;">Connecting to this present moment and what matters most to
us rather than getting caught up in the past, future or things that have
relatively little significance in our lives.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="text-indent: -18pt;">Taking meaningful action that brings us closer towards who
and where we want to be. Essentially
acting in a way that we would be proud to stand over with integrity if we were
to see our actions rehashed on a video.</span><!--[if !supportLists]--></div>
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If this is something you are interested in finding out more
about, here is a 1-hour video where I overview the ACTing Mindfully approach.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<iframe allowfullscreen='allowfullscreen' webkitallowfullscreen='webkitallowfullscreen' mozallowfullscreen='mozallowfullscreen' width='320' height='266' src='https://www.youtube.com/embed/ZR9Ei6KOY-E?feature=player_embedded' frameborder='0'></iframe><br />
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07572319185515757607noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2750671527497831035.post-18771520308098101022014-02-14T14:09:00.000-08:002014-04-13T16:57:38.226-07:00Love Myself- What the Fu**<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
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<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">The most terrifying thing is to accept oneself completely.</i><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>~ C.G. Jung<o:p></o:p></div>
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Loving myself, if only some of the time has been my hardest
task in my life so far.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Here’s the
thing- I know 100% of the times I’ve screwed up, made mistakes, let people
down, acted in ways that inspire cringe, dread and a range of emotions from
mild embarrassment to full on shame.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So
if so many people are larking on about this loving yourself business- what the
func- what’s the function in loving ourselves?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Or course you know that was what I was alluding to in the title,
right?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I specialize in a type of
psychology, which falls into the area of functional contextualism.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This essentially is a complicated way of
saying I’m primarily interested in two things- function- what’s the point in a
particular action, what does it give or take from me in the long term?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Context- in what settings am I more or less
likely to act in a particular way.<o:p></o:p></div>
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Often the argument against self-love, self-acceptance,
self-compassion (whatever you’d like to call it) is that “I don’t deserve
it”.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And any of us can come up with
plenty of reasons for why we don’t deserve self-love.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Or maybe I shouldn’t tar everybody off with
the same brush.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I, personally, could
give you a long list of reasons why I don’t deserve self-love.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’m useless with money.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’m not a good enough daughter.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’m unbelievably bad at getting back to
e-mails.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I commit to more things than I
can possibly do and inevitably let someone down, including myself.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’ve been talking about writing a blog for
three years and I’m only writing my first post now.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And these are just five that I’m willing to
share with you right now. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The truth is I
could complete a 50,000-word dissertation on why I am unworthy of
self-love.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But I will spare you.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This time at least.<o:p></o:p></div>
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Another common barrier is that we worry that if we love
ourselves we will become overly self-involved, self-indulgent or
self-obsessed.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
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<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Loving yourself… does not mean being self-absorbed or narcissistic, or
disregarding others.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Rather it means
welcoming yourself as the most honored guest in your own heart, a guest worthy
of respect, a lovable companion.</i> ~Margo Anand<o:p></o:p></div>
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It is virtually impossible to love ourselves without being
true to ourselves.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The key here is
around connecting to our values regarding how we want to relate to ourselves,
others, and the world at large.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>What
lasting legacy do we want to leave?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
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There are important reasons (functions) behind why self-love
is a useful way of relating to ourselves in our lives.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Psychological research, such as the research
conducted by Dr. Kristen Neff and Dr. Bren<span style="color: #1a1a1a; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;">é</span> Brown, has shown us that if we go into a shameful
way of relating with ourselves e.g. “I am fundamentally unlovable because I am
such a procrastinating no-good excuse for a human being” that we are in fact
more likely to engage in the very action, in this case procrastination, that we
use as an excuse for not giving ourselves love in the first place.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And the vicious cycle begins.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“I’ll love myself when…<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I lose 20 lbs., am in the perfect
relationship, have written that book, have everything done on my to-do list…<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And the list can go on and on and on and
on.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
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What if self-love and self-compassion are the equivalent for
psychological growth that protein is for physical growth?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>What if we need to put loving fluid into our
tanks before we can go that extra mile, or maybe even before we can take that
first step?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We would never expect a car
to run without fuel, yet we frequently expect this of ourselves.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If what you have been doing isn’t working-
would you be willing to try something different?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
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<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Do the best you can
until you know better.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Then when you
know better, do better.</i><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>~ Maya
Angelou<o:p></o:p></div>
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So we’ve had a look at function.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>While our mind might tell us that we need to
be a certain way in order to “deserve” self-love, our experience and research
often tell us that denying ourselves of self-love can exacerbate the
problem.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Now, let’s take a look at what
contexts we can create to learn and apply self-love.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Ways to Practice Love
of Self<o:p></o:p></b></div>
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<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Most of the shadows in this life are caused by standing in one’s own
sunshine.</i><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>~Ralph Waldo Emerson<o:p></o:p></div>
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<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpFirst" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: Wingdings; mso-bidi-font-family: Wingdings; mso-fareast-font-family: Wingdings;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">v<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]-->Acknowledge common humanity- we all screw
up.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We all make mistakes.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We all let people that we know and love
down.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We do it on many occasions.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And so does everyone else.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It can be useful to remind yourself “everyone
messes up, I am not on my own” and see if you can connect with a moment where a
loved one messed up and treat yourself the same way that you treated them.<o:p></o:p><br />
<br /></div>
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<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: Wingdings; mso-bidi-font-family: Wingdings; mso-fareast-font-family: Wingdings;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">v<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]-->Allowing your heart, values and integrity to be
your guide rather than a desire to please or placate others.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>When you make choices- check in to see are
these choices going to bring you closer towards who and where you want to
be?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Or will these choices in fact bring
you further away from who and where you want to be? <o:p></o:p><br />
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: Wingdings; mso-bidi-font-family: Wingdings; mso-fareast-font-family: Wingdings;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">v<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]-->“Choose discomfort over resentment”.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I loved this saying when I first heard Dr. Bren<span style="color: #1a1a1a; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;">é</span> Brown make reference
to it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Often we say yes when we really
want to say no out of a sense of obligation, or no when we really want to say
yes as we are hooked on some reason why we can’t do it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>These choices often give us some relief.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Yet this relief is often short-lived, quickly
replaced by resentment, which unfortunately can hang around like a bad smell.<o:p></o:p><br />
<br /></div>
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<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: Wingdings; mso-bidi-font-family: Wingdings; mso-fareast-font-family: Wingdings;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">v<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]-->Importance of seeing and listening deeply.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Zen Master Thich Nhat Hahn speaks of the
importance of looking and listening deeply.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>See if you can go below the surface of the situation/yourself and delve
into the heart of what’s going on in situations/yourself.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He proposes that when we look at ourselves,
and others, at a shallow level- we see only faults.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Yet, when we look more deeply- we are more
likely to witness common humanity and the many strengths we have.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p><br />
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><br /></span></div>
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<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: Wingdings; mso-bidi-font-family: Wingdings; mso-fareast-font-family: Wingdings;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">v<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]-->Allowing ourselves to be seen and heard deeply
by others and ourselves.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It follows that
it is not enough to see and hear deeply.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>We also must be willing to allow ourselves to be seen and heard
deeply.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Many of us, myself included, can
hide behind masks.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We can find a false
sense of security in only showing certain parts of ourselves for fear of
rejection.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Yet, often the parts we
expose are of the more shallow level, which is often judged by ourselves, and
others, harshly.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And we protect and
therefore hide the hidden gems within. <o:p></o:p><br />
<br /></div>
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<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: Wingdings; mso-bidi-font-family: Wingdings; mso-fareast-font-family: Wingdings;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">v<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]-->Recognize that our emotions and bodily
sensations often hold important messages for us.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It can be useful to slow down and connect
beneath the surface level of these feelings to what helpful messages they might
be trying to tell us.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>For example, this
past week I noticed the emotion of overwhelm that was about to tip into resentment
and bodily sensations in the forms of sore throat and general lethargy.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>When I tuned in I could see clearly that I
had overcommitted and spread myself too thin.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I could also see that I wasn’t getting a sense of freedom and joy any
more from these activities as I was doing things out of a sense of obligation
completely disconnected from the values underlying my actions.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So I needed to make some uncomfortable moves
for me, which was lightening my load by pulling back from some things. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Risking the potential to disappoint others in
order to be true to my inner core values.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><br />
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"></span><o:p></o:p></div>
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<span style="font-family: Wingdings; mso-bidi-font-family: Wingdings; mso-fareast-font-family: Wingdings;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;"><br /></span></span>
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: Wingdings; mso-bidi-font-family: Wingdings; mso-fareast-font-family: Wingdings;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">v<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]-->Acknowledge that on the journey to loving
ourselves more, when engaged in fully, we may often love ourselves less
temporarily.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Personally when I fully
showed up to who I was- warts and all- I found this difficult.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I often found more reasons to reject myself
that to accept myself.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>To be willing to
recognize and acknowledge this- being accepting of my non-acceptance of myself
was the first important step.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Wherever
you are currently is the perfect place to start putting loving fluid into your
tank so you can go that extra mile, or maybe even before you can take that
first step in that direction.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
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<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">We are each gifted in a unique and important way.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It is our privilege and our adventure to
discover our own light.</i><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>~Mary Dunbar<o:p></o:p></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07572319185515757607noreply@blogger.com19